shape of you
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I couldn't. They were button-fly, and I couldn't even get the bottom button within kissing distance of the buttonhole.
I tried another pair - same result. A third pair - same. By then I was too sweaty to continue, so I gave up.
Some of my dresses - the ones with a more columnar fit - felt tighter around the hips. Some of my more fitted tops felt tighter around the armholes.
Yep, I gained weight in South America. Actually, I don't know if I gained weight because I haven't weighed myself in ages and I don't have access to a weighing machine. But I'm definitely half a size, (if not a size) bigger. Not much of a difference, but enough for my less forgiving items of clothing (damn my non-stretch jeans) to make their feelings known.
I bitched and whined about it to my friends, and then felt bratty, because well, let's face it, going up half a size isn't a problem on any level.
I whined, because I think we're conditioned to fear weight gain, thanks to the near-global obsession with being slim - there is a weight loss company in Singapore called "Bottom Slim", I kid you not. I spent a good half day fretting over whether my metabolic rate was on steep decline now that I was well into my thirties, whether I was exercising enough, and whether I should start having fat-free milk with my coffee.
But this was ridiculous. I felt healthy. I spent the last five months clambering up and down any mountain I could manage, I walked well over 20,000 steps a day, I hauled a 16kg backpack around without a fuss. Since returning home, I've resumed my routine of thrice-weekly yoga, and added twice-weekly swims (because I am really, really free).
I adjusted. I reach for clothes with more stretch and give in the fabric. I wear the boyfriend jeans that are now just jeans. I haven't been able to bring myself to consider adjustments to my diet, because I am still revelling in the abundance of Asian food again (South American cuisine just isn't the same).
I'd always thought that insecurities and body issues were things that other people struggled with, and I hadn't realised I had internalised so many negative messages about size unconsciously, enough for me to fret.
Maybe I gained muscle mass (that's my preferred explanation), maybe I gained fat. The point is, I feel fine, great even, and nope, I have no issues with how I actually look.
It did make me wonder if I would dress differently if my body shaped changed significantly. Would I change my style? It's an interesting thought experiment.
It did make me wonder if I would dress differently if my body shaped changed significantly. Would I change my style? It's an interesting thought experiment.
Have you ever struggled with body image, and how has that affected how you dress?
(I'm sorry if this sounds I'm seeking reassurance about how I look, I promise it's not the intention, I'm just genuinely fascinated by how I responded in a moment of insecurity.)
(I'm sorry if this sounds I'm seeking reassurance about how I look, I promise it's not the intention, I'm just genuinely fascinated by how I responded in a moment of insecurity.)
Comments
I don't know if my body is changing or if it's just a part of growing older, but I noticed a few months ago that I prefer pants higher in the waist now, and that I'm considering letting out hems of a couple of skirts to make them longer.
I'd say give it a couple more months, a year of not going to the office has to have some sort of effect on your body! I know it's a real pain to break in jeans, though, but maybe now's a good time to experiment a bit with the clothes you have on hand!
We're always harder on ourselves than we are on other people, I know it's not the same when you look in the mirror but for what it's worth, I think you look fine in your recent mirror selfies!
I went up a dress size when I moved from London to Delhi and like you, I only noticed it when certain clothes began to feel a little snug. I blame it on too many samosas and a general trend towards happiness -- I put much more pressure on myself while living in London and as I turned 30 my first year in India, it felt right to ease up and start valuing my body in terms of what it could do rather than how it looked to others and to me. I won't lie -- getting rid of expensive clothing was not fun but then again it all found a good home -- thanks to India's robust second-hand clothing network, there's always someone who can appreciate what you no longer have use for. Anyway, I think it was the beginning of a changing relationship with my body -- I have become much more happily active in the years since and regardless of any weight gain or loss, have grown to value my body for everything it allows me to do.
Would you mind exploring the beauty/health standards in Singapore/Asia as you've seen them and how women are reacting to it? "Bottom Slim" sounds like the entire opposite of what women in the US (at least as popular media has it) are trying to achieve.
Well if we're talking morbid fascination, I see this subject attracts rather more commenter interest than the prior two (very much more interesting) posts on your recent travels. Probably says more about the audience than anything else though.
Anna: I like my clothes a little loose too, and that has been a saving grace.
Ammu: "a general trend towards happiness" - I was thinking the same thing; I was rather unhappy by the time I decided to resign, and much happier now! Maybe stress kept my weight down.
Shutterbug K: "When I do something form-fitting nowadays it's what garners me the most notice/response" -- I get that sometimes too from both friends and strangers, the former because they know I don't usually do form-fitting. One of the nice things about South America is that tight clothing on women is quite normal and no one (man or woman) bats an eye!
MC Bontemps: I think I rather surprised myself by overreacting, and it made me wonder how people respond to weight gain. Or maybe I need to up my travel writing game...
What is really interesting is that I only started 'panicking' when I actually checked my weight - which I don't really do, maybe like twice a year when I visit my parents. I then realised I had gained about 3 kilograms (half a stone) which is generally speaking about half a size. The truth is that what I am now is actually a healthier weight for me and my height. I have been trying to loose it by cutting out chocolate between meals, having lighter dinners etc but the weight has pretty much stayed the same. So I have decided that I am going to go with whatever my body wants to do. I am not going to deprive myself of occassional desserts, full fat milk, a bit of cheese and a glass of wine a couple of times a week.
I don't really mind as it is still healthy weight for me (same as you probably). The only thing I do mind is exactly what you said - about 1/3 of the tighter clothes in my wardrobe (jeans and some close fitting skirts) are now too tight for me to feel comfortable in. I really like those items and would like to be able to wear them but I am not going to 'diet' and overexercise (my twice weekly yoga or pilates, lots of energetic walking and occasional swims is enough for me) and if my weight doesn't drop naturally I am not going to start depriving myself. My diet is generally very healthy with occasional treats. If the weight stays the same until the end of the year I will probably give the tighter clothes to charity.
Kasia