taking stock

2021 feels like 2020 with the same problems but without the sense of urgency that powered me through. It is only March, but there are days where I feel an intense weariness. In most ways my life has not been affected by COVID - my job is secure, I have a home, I have good relationships with my family and friends, and Singapore appears to have gotten the outbreak under control. I go to shops and cinemas and restaurants (with masks on). Life is comfortable.

But it also feels as though life has gotten smaller, and while for some the pandemic provided the pause to catalyse change, for me it seems to have held me more firmly in my (comfortable) place. At work, a beloved mentor has decided to resign and further her studies. "There's a season for everything," she told us. 

Onward to other things. 

Last year, right before we rolled into 2021, I decided one rainy afternoon to create an inventory of all my clothes on Airtable. I documented a total of 231 items, from outerwear to swimwear to sportswear, and have been tracking my wears.

Why, after years of watching people do the same and thinking, "This seems a bit much", am I doing this? I am not entirely sure, but a part of me was hoping to be surprised by some kind of revelation, something to jolt me out of my habits.

It turns out that numbers do tell a story. Since I started tracking my wears in end-December, I have worn 91 of the 231 items, most of them only once. Only certain items can be considered truly workhorses, like my Birkenstock sandals (33 wears) or my Bao Bao Lucent tote (23 wears). 

Of the 231 items, 72 are tops, among them 25 t-shirts. I often buy t-shirts in the belief that they are staples and should be topped up often, but the truth us, I don't actually get much wear out of each one when I own 25 of them. Ten of them have not been touched at all during this period. 

This same pattern repeats itself in other categories. It tells the story of a girl who didn't fully appreciate that she does have more than enough. 

I do like the act of logging my wears. Amid so much stuff, it is nice to pause and take a moment to remember when I bought it, and why. Instead of spending my short commute eyeing up new things to buy, I update my table, and take in all the clothing I own. 

Style-wise, I remain inspired by clean, voluminous shapes. Everything anchored by plain t-shirts. I used to shun oversized t-shirts, but I am increasingly drawn to my husband's t-shirts rather than my own - a perk of living with someone else is being able to borrow their clothes. I missed that when my sisters and I moved to our separate homes. 

Occasionally, I am drawn towards touches of romance, but am trying to "settle" for a Doen blouse I bought last year as my dose of dreaminess. When all is said and done, I am still homebound most days, and unlikely to wear anything besides shorts and tanks and tees. 

I've also gained a bit of weight, and it reminds me that clothes are not forever, not only because of wear and tear and changing tastes, but also because of changing bodies. I sold a pair of too-tight leggings, and am tempted to sell off other items I know I will not fit into again. But what if I do? 

On my want list at the moment: 

• Bringing a pair of secondhand jeans I bought on Etsy to the tailor to get them professionally hemmed 
• Replacing the elastic in the waistband of my denim shorts (I'm wearing them above)
• Taking some lapis lazuli beads I have and having them made into new pieces of jewellery
• A proper oversized white shirt, preferably collarless, with the sleeves ending at my wrists just so
• A pair of Studio Nicholson's Dordoni trousers in navy 

Repair, reuse, refresh. It is probably a little late in the year to be setting style resolutions, but why not?